a bit uncertain...

I am sorry if this turns into a full blown vent - i am not one for long posts, but I have a problem...
 I am feeling a bit (okay, HUGELY) uncertain about my children's childhoods. As much as I try to deny it, my little ones are growing up - FAST! I can't believe i will have a 9 year old in may! I remember when I first held him, first changed his teeny tiny bum, put him in those 0-3 mo jammies that just swallowed his tiny little body right up! I NEVER would have believed that in a blink of an eye he would be wearing size 10 jeans, battling me over the computer, wanting to fit in with other HUGE attitude filled 9 year olds. Don't get me wrong, he is an amazing little boy...straight A's, never in trouble, very responsible, and wants to do good with all  his heart, but i still worry about him.
 Now onto sweet little Rachel. I love this girl. I love all my kids the same, but something about her just tugs at my heart strings. When I found out i was having a baby girl i think i bawled for weeks. I was so excited to have her join our family. She was born as stubborn as they come. She did NOTHING but cry scream bloody murder her first 3 years of her little life. As much as she almost drove me to drink - she was perfect, she was innocent, she was my blond hair, blued eyed baby girl, she was mine - all mine. She was a "girl" in every way. She would carry her dollie, purse, and her Binky to church each and every week. She sported the cutest little bobbernobber pigtails ever! She has always been that way (minus the Binky of course)....until the past 6 months or so. She started off the first grade  picking out her adorable little girly outfits, not missing a single detail about her ensemble. This went on for most of the fall. Then one night, i found her laying on her bed in tears. I couldn't get her to tell me what was wrong (did i mention she is as stubborn as they come?) finally, she asked me if she could wear jeans and a t- shirt. I was floored that she was so upset to ask me that! SHE had always been the one to freak out at the thought of jeans - this girl would kick and scream at the thought of wearing plain white socks (heaven forbid!) i knew something had happened. She continued to tell me that she was being made fun of at school because of her clothes. I didn't let my anger for these kids show, i just told her to calm down, and  she could wear whatever she felt comfortable wearing. Inside my heart was tearing...i knew she was feeling bad, i knew she wanted to fit in. Now don't get me wrong...i know what we wear isn't important. I am not a huge shopper, in fact, most of her outfits are homemade or vintage style from thrift shops.  Anyway, since that night on she has pretty much worn jeans and a t-shirt. The funny thing is, is that when she gets home, she puts on the "cute stuff" so I know she secretly wants it, but doesn't want to be teased at school. She is 6 years old for cryin out loud...since when is it a crime to let a little girl be a little girl? I have been over at the elementary school doing yearbook stuff this past week, and i come home every time feeling a bit depressed.. The attitudes, the language...it all just floors me. She was right, she was sticking out like a sore thumb. I don't want her feeling awkward and out of place, but i also hope that one day she will be confidant enough to be who SHE wants to be. I feel like our children's childhoods are cut so short these days. I am not saying this to only be true for girls, but boys as well. Zach comes home asking random questions all the time about things that I never gave any thought to as an 8 year old. 
i know that was a TON of rambling, but this kind of stuff keeps me awake at night!  i just want them to be able to have fun, carefree childhoods - they have their entire lives to deal with the rest of the adult crap that goes on! Now don't get me wrong, i love many kids at that school...i am not saying that they are ALL wild and attitude driven, it just seems like the majority of kids these days are!

just in case you are like me and CRAVING some beach...these pics form a couple of years ago will make you want it even more!:)  I can't believe it is officially Spring break...too bad it isn't warm!

                           nothin' like a little sand in your suit and messy hair buns!